2 Sides to the Story - Freedm / Most Wanted

(Freedm)

Day and night..thoughts run through my mind

and often I lose track of the time, lost...gone

on the thought of you, crane my neck just to get a view

reading your motions waiting for a cue, I guess you could say

I got a crush....

I wonder if I would be out of line if I copied the

thoughts written on my mind to paper and delivered

them to you ....naw....that still wouldn’t communicate my view

Maybe you’ll see it in my eyes, perhaps you’ll translate my sighs

Decode my gestures, where the truth lies, I guess you could say

I got a crush....

I say your name just to feel it play on my lips

and you become a melody so I sway my hips

bat my lashes and groove to the imaginary bliss

close my eyes real tight and make my wish

stand in a mirror and practice my pitch

If chance was granted, I’d do it just like this

Let my heart be the courage, hit or miss? I guess you could say

I got a crush....

I begin to write the script then hit delete

thinking the unthinkable is too much of a risk

because what if.....lyrics fail me, and you can’t catch the drift

Scared, Encouraged, Scared, Encouraged, welcomed or dissed

Bless me over twice I’m feeling this, I guess you could say

I got a crush....

 (Most Wanted)

Excuse me, yes you, up front, in that chair.

What did you do different? I really dig your hair.

That’s what I think often, in hope for a stare.

But does she even notice me or know that I’m here?

Day after day, I think as I pass,

I wonder how she’s doing in her 2^nd period class.

And while my friends see me nervous,

I hope they don’t put me on blast.

Thinking of her, my school work suffers, a lot.

Not even knowing my mind and heart is what she’s got.

Wondering, wishing, and praying for a shot

But I waste them everyday,

As she walks past me in the parking lot.

It has to be soon, and I have to choose whether,

To something that’s tougher than leather.

Or something real smooth, in the right type of weather.

Or should it be softer,

Like a baby bird feather?

OMG, here she comes.

Is this some kind of joke?

I close my eyes then open them to make sure that I’m woke.

My heart beats fast as she makes an approach.

Is this my chance?

Damn, I need a speech coach.

This is it, it’s my chance.

The thoughts in my head dance,

Of a possible romance.

But as I adjust my stance,

Right by me she pranced.

Well……it must not be me,

Because I didn’t even get a glance.

(Freedm) 

Shyness possess her, as she notices him too,
wait for it...damn he didn’t get my cue. 
Open your eyes brotha, can’t u see my focus is on you? 
Tomorrow I’ll do it, I’ll take the lead, 
step to his ass, and whisper what he couldn’t even believe.
Make my presence known and satisfy both our needs.....

  

 (Most Wanted)

What just happened? Did she just say “Hi”?
And what this in my tummy, a big ass butterfly?
She did the unthinkable, she spoke to me first.
Now’s not the time for some verse I rehearsed.

I can feel her breathe as she softly speaks to me,
in my ear, it’s her number, this I can’t believe.

She’s what beauty is in my thoughts and my dreams.
I finally got what I wanted, yup, that’s what it seems.

 (Freedm)

So yep, I did it, I swallowed my pride, swayed my hips just a little, and started simply with, Hi! He was surprised, I could see it in his eyes, then he spoke from his heart, no rehearsed lines. Will he remember the digits, I wondered and sighed, let’s see if he calls and where he intentions reside. A smile on my lips as I wait for his reply. So proud of myself for pushing shyness aside. It’ll start with a crush, then build it up to a kiss, sit back and relax and let me ride this bliss.....

  

 (Most Wanted)

It has been an hour and I am scared to call.
Wondering to myself like I do in the halls.

Let me dial these numbers that I have burned in my brain.
It just feels so right, like a light summer’s rain.

I’m really glad that it’s over, the silence I heard,
But come to think about it, I still haven’t said a word.
Now I am really nervous, my thoughts start to swirl,
I wonder with these nerves, if I will sound like a girl?

So I make the 2^nd move, and pick up the phone,
I dial the numbers and hope that she’s home.
It’s her voice that answers and I get all shook up,
the damn answering machine, just my f’ing luck.


I need to stressing, I’m sure she will be in touch.

  

 (Freedm)

OMG, he called! And I wasn’t here, I waited all day. Kept my phone near. But as soon as I shower, he decides to call, now I gotta ring him back and my nerves are raw. BREATH...take my time, if I’m afraid to reach out, I’ll never claim what’s mines. I listen to his message over and over again, umm umm umm, it’s something about this man. I’m calling back, no gain if no risk, I softly speak into the phone and I tell him just like this, “Hey baby, it’s Freedom, your call I’m sorry I missed, but I’m available to you now, if you get my drift”........

 (Most Wanted)

In the middle of cooking I hear the phone ring,
and ring and ring, I have to find that damn thing.
I answer in haste, I don’t have time to waste,
for my dinner is cooking, and I need to keep pace.

It’s her voice on the phone and in my tracks I do freeze,
help me keep my composure Dear LORD, I ask of YOU please.
She sounds so sweet, and pleasant, and pure.
The LORD must have heard me, for it’s her voice that’s the cure.

Just like when she whispered her name in my ear,
my nerves were ok, my heart had no fear.
We talked and laughed and joke for some time.
I had her attention and she had all mine.
But something was different, something was not right.
Outside of my window were loud noises and flashing lights.
Maybe some bums were drinking and started to fight.

So I ask her to hold as I prepare to explore,
just as I stand they bust down my door, 
and just like a nigga, I dove to the floor.
They ask are you OK? I say yes, then I look.
They say well your Kitchen is on fire, do you know how to cook?

After all the excitement and unexpected activity,
I hope she’s still interested as I don’t really seem too witty.
How could I let this happen on our first call?
I burned up my kitchen, and she heard it all.

 (Freedm)

What the hell, as I hold the phone, we were vibing so good, he damn near burned up his home. Damn, there goes dinner he says in my ear, not really I said, I live quite near. I got your back, have no fear, let me cook for u tonight, show off my skills. I start clanging and clapping pots on the stove, I’m feeling him too much, gotta keep this vibe on a roll. Come on over sweetheart, and let’s break bread, let me enjoy your smile and get in your head. I wanna know your everything, what do you like, let’s groove off the moment long into the night. Lyrical dancing, mental kiss, good lawd help me, I’ve never felt like this. We laugh and converse over meat and potatoes, I watched how he ate, anticipating those lips much later. But first let me get caught up in the man on display, don’t know where this is going, but grateful for the bond we have made....

  

 (Most Wanted)

As the weeks went by, I begin to feel like a winner. 
I can’t help to think back on when I burned up my dinner.
That night was so hectic, but she was a great host.
In my soul I can feel that she is different than most. 

We connect and vibe and its all in stride,
I let it all go and went along for the ride.
My feelings are starting to grow inside.
She is all that and more and in her, I confide.
I share more with her than I have in the past,
and she doesn’t judge me or make feel outclassed,
by the dudes that have more, can give more, and do more.
She simply accepts me for me, right down to my core.

She’s not bad either, very pleasing to the eyes,
and her demeanor is pleasant, not some bullshyt disguise.
Her body is so soft, her skin is so smooth, 
but I will take my time before making a move.
I don’t want to fukk it up, this groove that we are in.
To mess this thing up would be the 8^th deadly sin. 

She does all that I need, and for me, she is good.
An all purpose woman that has roots in the hood.
From all that I’ve learned she has come a long way,
maybe it’s time to tell her, show her, 
that if she wants, I will be her MAN everyday.

  

 (Freedm)

Time goes on and this feels like a fairy tale fable, we spend time everyday but still we have no label, should I make the first step, lay my cards on the table? 

But what if I step up, way too soon, what if my feelings are too much for him to consume. Will we go too far, unable to resume?

I embrace who he is, who he has been, it’s him that I run too, his shoulder is always on lend. I value this man, on him I depend.

Smile for me baby, he says everyday, and when the world is too much, I’ll show you the way. How can I not fall deeper within, he is my rock, my alpha, my omega, my very best friend. Do you know, for no reason, he just holds my hand, while he is steadfast, the others just ran. I stare at this chocolate essence, and I take it all in, I don't want to rush but I’m ready to commit voluntary sin. Make me confess with my mouth the feelings I possess, let me trust in your heart and I’ll handle the rest.

So that we don’t make any mistakes, come pray with me King, just to be safe. Dear Lord I ask of you to bless what we have, keep our hearts open and have the power to last. Let us walk in your blessings and not move too fast.

Amen is the seal, as we proceed ahead, though lust is dwelling, it’s with love that we’re led....

  

  

 (Most Wanted)

On the night that we prayed, the bond was solidified in my heart.
This is where she and I end, and where WE will start.
No other woman has made me feel so secure,
so trusting, so good, I know this love will endure.
All the ups and the downs that will surely come our way,
With the LORD on our side we can survive any day.

”Hey baby.” I say, in a confident voice, “I would like for you to be mine. I hope that I am your choice.”
”No need to answer or respond to it now.
Just know, yes or no, I’m still a friend if you will allow.”

And with those words she said nothing, but had a slight grin.
As if she was answering me from deep down within.
I never had such a feeling, such a rush of emotion.
My body was filled with the rarest of Love Potion.

She parted her lips, but before she could speak,
I placed my lips on her forehead, then her lips, then her cheek.
I told her before she said anything,
”Let me prove my intentions, and offer you this here ring.”
”You are everything I wished for, dreamed of, and more. 
And even though we are not perfect, it is you I ADORE.
It’s the person I am when I am with you, 
that makes realize,
this is what I need, want, and should do.
I am willing to spend the rest of the days of my life,
with you by my side as Mrs. Allen, My wife.”

I took a huge risk by taking it there,
but she is the shyt to me and all that is dear.
I left that night with a feeling of bliss, 
that was also the night of our very first kiss.

  

 (Freedm)

Well..I stared at the ring, and the tears begin to flow, cleansing and praising at how our love unfolds. Can you even believe we are the same, the shy people who were afraid to even utter our names. My strength grew in you, your confidence in me, we together birthed the honored title of “WE”. 

I looked in his eyes and I seen myself, if I value him, then surely I recognize my own wealth. So while I was lucky, he was too. I leaned in real close and said , “I’m giving all of me to you”. Can’t wait to stand before God, and gladly say “I do”.

I took his hand and placed it on my heart, do you feel that, Alpha? It beats for Ty, it’s focused on our future and where our joint path entwines. He never said a word, he just begin to cry. 

Exactly one year to the day we met, we stood at the altar with no regrets. He’d kept me wholesome, never involving fornication, though there was many nights of heated temptation. “No My Love, I’m nothing like the rest, you are my Eve, you deserve the best, acting on pure lust would just diminish this to sex”.” When I take you, it will be pleasing in God’s eyes, he will bless our loving making and the angels will sing with our sighs”. 

So while we stood before The Lord, swearing what’s true, he not only took care of his salvation, he was the protector over mines too. “Yes” I said boldly when they asked. I will be his wife, his lover, his loyal friend, his peace, his beginning and his end. ~~

A Freestyle Collaboration brought to you by

Freedm - Akron, OH

Most Wanted - Pgh, PA

Sacrificial Me

Sacrificial me, love me unconditionally

Make me feel wanted, tell me you need me
Oh how I give you all these things because
This is what I believe love should be

See me, see me I'm over here
Rescue me take this emptiness away,
The agony of it,
How I want your love,
The tears I cry at night you wonder and ask why
I've told you in more than one way, I've shown you
I am convinced that we don’t share the same love
The bond I thought we had; was it a figment of my imagination
The life I dreamed of us having were only my dreams,
How selfish of me to not invite you in and assume we had a deep longing love
How selfish of me to assume we would build together

Sacrificial me giving my all to receive the crumbs of your love,
How you remain unavailable, with limited love
How you tell me to focus on me I guess that was the key the point that I missed!
Sacrificial me
The trail I followed maybe a kiss, maybe a occasional I love you

Sacrificial me, oh how I put myself on the alter to be there for another,
I lay their awaiting your next move, anticipating the next high of you
Why can I not pick myself up, this is not the love I want
Sacrificial me, all to save you
I hurt silently, wondering how the lack of love for me is always manifested in the men I find
Who don’t, cant, wont or maybe just don’t understand how to love me

Sacrificial me doesn’t require much just to feel wanted,
Will I find love in me, is the love of God the only love I need
This cant be true when love is his greatest commandment
Why does pain beget pain,
Why do we put ourselves up for play, grabs or to be someone's pastime
When will I find someone who wants to share life

Sacrificial me!

 
 

Anonymous

2010

Please Free My -

• Mind from the strain

The everyday pressure of living up to the standards that I have set for myself.  Not falling into the trap of the "easy" life.  Striving, no matter how hard it gets, to be better at something that needed improvement the day before.  Striking the careful balance of being a caring, fun parent but then a disciplinarian when the time calls for it.  Not letting down the very few friends that I have when they need me the most.  Knowing, but doing nothing about, some situations that are dead ass wrong but do not concern me in the least.  To let the everyday politics of the workplace roll off my back like beads of water on an oily surface.  Please free my mind from the strain.

• Heart from the pain

Caring for those that don't seem to care for themselves.  The heart holding on to "Potential and Promise" instead of believing the "Tried and True".  Seeing the carnage and destruction come to fruition from the damned acts of the past (reaping the horrible harvest from the bad seeds that were sown).  Seeing loved ones that have given there all, struggle with everyday life and not being in a position to give them a better way to cope.  

• Soul from the drain

This life is taking the very essence of my spirit, the things/people that make me happy is all that keeps me going.  (Thank you Angelique and Tyrone Jr.).  Watching people cheat, watching the lack of respect for another's relationship, the intentional disrespect of relationships that they themselves are in, the fact that people now marry for all reasons other than that in which it was meant for (LOVE).  Seeing people recite a book or movie, word for word, but can't tell one BOOK in the Good Book.  Really?  

• Thoughts from the cage

Thinking that I am not fit to be a King.  That my Throne is threatened by my past actions.  I will not be seen as a leader in my own home much less my community that needs me and others like me, that have truly learned from past mistakes, more than ever.  That the words I say mean nothing to those younger than myself because I am not "Ballin" or "Makin it rain".  That I can't encourage our women and let them know that it was the women that helped me become a better man and that they can and should do the same for other men.  That it is ok to be ok.  That we are making it day to day and it is ok.  NO.  FREE MY FUKKIN MIND.

• Body from the age

From putting in the unhealthy substances that are accelerating my own personal aging process.  From taking the "Quick fix" drugs that we are lead to believe is helping us.  From trusting Doctors that say, "There is no other option" instead of getting 2nd and 3rd opinions.  From the consumption of alcohol in a way that deteriorates our liver and other internal organs.  From the mental poison that is fed from all angles that slowly kill us from the inside out. (Kill the mind and the body will follow)

I am a King.  I am the most feared species on the face of the planet.  I am one of many that will take my rightful place.  I will not leave others behind.  While I rise, I will uplift others as well.  

FREE MY MIND, HEART, SOUL, & BODY

MOST WANTED

August 1997/2010

Could It Be

 Could It Be?

I felt your presence as soon as you entered the room

It sparked a quickening in my spirit

I didn’t see you; But I felt you & I knew you were here for me

For a moment I felt as if my soul left my body & went on a search to find you in the crowded room

I sat there, breathless awaiting its return

But when my soul returns, I still have no breath, for alone it left and alone it came back

Where Are You?

I know you’re still here. I still feel your presence

Then in an instant just when I am about to faint from loss of breath, 

I feel your hands on the small of my back as you help me to regain my balance

Butterflies increase inside of me and my body warms all over from your touch

Could it be?  Is this the moment I’ve waited for all my life?

As I spin around to meet you face to face the room spins at an even faster pace

Slowly----Slowly----Slow-ly

Time seems to stand still at that very moment when I laid eyes on you

My body calms & becomes more relaxed for I can feel that 

“Yes this is finally it”

Your voice is like a sweet melody to my ears “I think you have something that belongs to me” I hear you say

But I don’t understand, 

I’ve never even seen you before how could I possibly have something that belongs to you?

“Well, you have my rib” you said, “See in the beginning of time God said you were mine;

Created for me & my helpmate to be; From the rib that He took from me, See, He created thee

& I’ve come to claim what’s mine ‘cause you complete me.”

Wow!!  Is all that I could say & once again you have taken my breath away

Too bad you’re not here to stay because as I awake from this dream, you quickly fade away….

Mz. Midnite

Pittsburgh, PA

Get your Fukkin Mind Right (To the men)

Now for the dudes.  If the shoe doesn't fit, don't get offended.

Some of you "men" are out here trying to treat these women like they are nothing or of no importance.  News Flash assholes, it was a woman that gave birth to your fukkin ass.  What makes you think that you have what it takes to come at a woman, A REAL woman with some lame ass lines.  especially when you are already in a marriage or relationship?  What happen to the respect?  What happened to the role that, we as men, should be in?  Why is it that some of yall choose to go after the weaker minded women as targets?  A real man with some pride would target these types of women and try and help them realize their worth, not use them as fukkin floozies.  But I guess that has to be expected from the weak minded men, the ones that can't live up to the responsibilities that were given to us by GOD and enforced by REAL women.  You mutha fukkas are the same ones that don't even attempt to raise your fukkin kids either.  I guess we shouldn't expect some of yall to be fathers when you have no fukkin clue how to be men.  But yall will try and act a fool when someone puts their little asses in line.  And quit abusing women.  What type of Real man puts his hands on a woman in an abusive manner.  I will tell you, a Coward.  But will be the 1st one to run when a real man has a problem with you.  How about this, be a fukkin man 1st, then work on the other shyt.  You wanna be treated like a King, take  on the responsibility of one.  Prove yourself as worthy to a REAL Queen.  Be a father to your kids, if you have any.  Don't be a man among men, be a Man to a Woman.  If you don't know what I mean by that, ask a real woman.  There are plenty of them that read my shyt.  Ask them in my comment field.

Get your Fukkin Mind Right (To the women)

Ok.  So this isn't in ant type of format so I will just let it flow.

What the fukk is wrong with some of the women these days.  How is it that you can allow yourselves to come second or third on someone's priority list after anyone except children? I know its not that bad out here where you need to lower your worth to accommodate some "man" that has either a wife, a woman, or whatever.  I also understand that there are not a ton of decent men, less good men, and even less great men out here but come the fukk on. These raggedy as dudes come at some of yall with weak ass game that you fall for, but the thing that eats me alive is that some of these weak ass cats come at some of yall and tell you they have a woman and some of yall roll with the shyt.  What is the attraction?  Where is your fukkin morals as a woman?  What if it was your husband, or man that was doing that shyt to you?  And all I here from the women that are the "side" pieces is, "He's a good person" (I highly doubt that if he is sneakin around with your ass), "We have fun together" (What else would you expect from an actor), "He's a good father figure" (How the fukk would you really know, I think his wife or woman would know that more than you), get the fukk serious.  I have yet to hear a good ending to one of these fukkin stories.  All I hear is it didn't work, he never left her.  Really, ya think.  How about he never intended to leave her.  Or in the cases where he did leave his woman, he never really treated you like you expected.  Wise up women.  There is nothing wrong with being alone for a little bit.  Take that time to get your shyt together if its not.  Take that time to get to know yourself.  Take that time and spend it with your kids if you have any or family and real friends if you don't have kids.  It's always the same story, we are just friends.  What man in a relationship has time for "new" friends or "old" friends like that.  These dudes are telling you what they want you to believe.  Saying the situation is bad, she ain't shyt, she's crazy, lazy or whatever.  If that's the case, why are they still with them?  OPEN YOUR FUKKIN EYES.  But maybe it's in the way that some women carry themselves.  Maybe some dudes can look at some women and can see that they are easy.  Maybe I shouldn't wonder what the problem with some of yall women are and I should give Kudos to the women that don't settle for the bullshyt.

My Birthday Prayer (9-22-10)

Dear GOD

I come to You tonight a strong yet humble man
I ask for Your guidance, will You please take my hand?
Will You show me the way, to a more centralized life?
Will You separate within me, things of value from what’s trife?
For I believe that You’re here, but Your name I’ve never spoke,
Or came to You in a submissive manner, neither sleep nor when I am woke.




I’m not a preacher or pastor by no means or any stretch,
I only see what is shown in many pictures or someone’s home drawn sketch.
But I know of your powers, because I see them everyday,
In the blessings you provide to the people for which I pray.
I have come to a place that confuses me in life,
I thought I had it all figured out, but my dreams are no longer bright.



See I have 2 main goals and You know what they are,
But after they are completed, it seems that I’m not going to go far.
My children are my world, my focus, my drive.
For when they are both grown, will I need to be alive?
I was told, just recently that I revolve around them, and yet again,
I ask You, is that their blessing, or is it my sin?




Its nothing specific that I ask for tonight,
I only ask that you please brighten that light.
Or is that the message itself that You are trying to send?
That once they are all grown, my time here must end?
That after fulfilling my promise, to be the best dad that I could,
That I come home to You, as so many wish that they would?



Today is my birthday, as if You didn’t know.
I thank You for another year to watch my 2 children grow
I guess in between all those prayers for everyone else,
I should have knelt more often to pray for myself.
But I know that you bless me everyday in disguise,
It happens every single time you let me open my eyes.

Most Wanted

Pittsburgh, PA

She Lives in her Made up Mind

Made up my mind

I choose life more abundantly

His word already told me he is under me.

Living victory everyday is my test

All the other stuff is just space savers

to see if you recognize the true test

His word said be fruitful and multiply,

So with my talent and skills em about to fly

Take off to a place that my ears never heard and eyes never seen

Don’t wake me

I’m living my dream

Made my mind up to domain in the dominion that has been ordained

No more distractions that keep me occupied

You know the story he tells the biggest lies

the lie is has and always will be

there are so many issues that you will never walk in the inherited victory.

Make up your mind that you will be free

Using the power to your uttermost ability

Go my child run free dream big without fear

let no adult convince you that you

cant live your fairy tale.

 

Directly from The Queen's Quarters

Hana Mahmoud

Queen City, NC

Something New

Sit down young gal and let me talk to you
Allow me to introduce to you something new
See in you, I realize, that in your eyes
Your prize lies between your thighs

Not True!

See while you chasin' after that feelin'
Lookin' for sexual healin'
In your spare time what you should be doin is kneelin'
Askin' God for a revealin'

I could see it goin' somethin' like this...
..On my knees at night I pray
Dear Lord, please keep the lust demon away
Save me from this life of sin and help me to begin again
"But he said he loved me and I was all he needed"
And the pain he caused just kept on repeatin'
Over and over this cycle continues
This man and that man,
"Hmmm, maybe I'll take a girl this time from the menu"

Not True!

Now I can imagine God replying like this...
...Daughter you are my child whom I cannot deny
So never question my motives or ask me "why?"
The time has come for you to stop livin' the devil's lie
Your life to me is more precious than gold
For you have a story that remains untold

There is no shame when you walk with me
So take my hand into your destiny
Because only I can make your mess your ministry
Turn your tests into testimonies

So arise my child, take up your bed and walk
Because I gave you a voice for you to talk
I gave you a tongue so that you can speak
And the gifts I have given YOU make you unique

See the prize is not between your thighs
But in each and every tear you cried
So tell YOUR story when you speak of me
Cause you never know who, from your story you might set free

So sit down young gal, may I present something new
Take a look in the mirror and see the NEW YOU!

T.W.S. AKA Mz. Midnite

Pittsburgh, PA

Girl so Lost

Girl so lost

Looking for love in all the wrong places

so many faces, nameless, shameless we can get it on.

She has no boundaries. Do you like porn?

How do you get down with guys or girls,

she replies,

Oh I will leave that up to you, I'll be surprised

Push pull whatever way you go em just a girl who aims to please

Disease, I ain't worried about that but you can strap

If you wanna to keep yourself safe

Me, em just another pretty face

Girl so lost

For $50 you can get the best brain

catch her on a bad day she might do it for change

Lights camera action

Videos, poles and strobes

Girl get your shine on

Have the club on lock

Anyone of them you can cop

Girl so lost

Its all about the benjamins baby maybe we can play

a little game you name the price

I can drive you insane

Dang

Whatever happen to making a dude wait

Now you giving em brain on the first date

Girl do you know the what power you possess, I promise

you it aint in the size of your breasts

I guess you didn’t know we

make the world go round' if we had our mind right

they would all bow down!

Hana Mahmoud

Queen City, NC

I hold onto my weakness

I hold onto my weakness because it is a part of me.

Can’t remember a time it wasn’t there.

I can always rely on it because people made the existence of it possible.

You became a part of my life in my mothers womb.

I didn’t really know you all that well, but you were waiting on my arrival

You have many names and characteristics but most know you by ABANDONMENT.

When all else fails, I invite you in. I believe in you like your supposed to be in my life.

I even push others aside to make room for you;

just to show how much I believe your supposed to be in my life.

Why or how can anyone come before you! Like my mom @ birth you are all I’ve known.

Yeah, no one will understand our relationship.

How I am use to you and how you are in my heart when they walk away,

And how I knew you would be there saying,

"I told you they were not real. Why do you need them anyways?"

You got it you can handle it just pray about it.

Abandonment, I think you know me well,

But I am finding out how you have been in my business, you have made me doubt, have fear and

You must be jealous cause you won’t let no one get close to me.

I can’t believe you would tell me that the God I love says I don’t need no one else cause I got you.

What a liar!

You smothered me so no one could get close to me, you made me fell like I needed no one else,

So no one else would want to be with me.

I really despise you for all the years you lied.

I am just simply saying you can no longer reside in me.

It’s time for the truth to free me! This relationship is over, your time is up.

I have out grown you, I must admit you were quite clever.

You managed to always be first but I get the last laugh cause I am letting you go.

That place you use to fill has a new owner, called LOVE!

Author:  Hana Mahmoud

Queen City, NC

Worthless Motivation

It was while I was oh so young.
Listening to kids songs being sung,
That it all really started,
My fatherhood had just begun.

Hearing you come in late at night,
With that drunk shyt in plain sight.
Cussin and fussin with your dumb ass,
Trying to start a fight.

So you hit her to keep her "in line",
Too young to know what was on your mind,
But your weak, insecure ass never seen,
That she gave you all of her, all the time.

Then you left us, packed up, and was out,
But you still figured you had some clout.
So kept coming around the house,
Yellin and screamin, and runnin your dumb ass mouth.

But there came the turning day,
In the house, you made your way,
You hit my mom repeatedly,
But a word I could not say.

You turned and looked in my eyes,
The expression I could not disguise,
But your ass knew by the look that I gave,
that the next time your ass would die.

You stayed away the rest of our child years,
With me, My brother shared all his tears.
And while I hated your weak, bytch ass,
Losing you is what my baby bro feared.

Its a shame that I already knew,
But the older my baby bro grew,
He would see for himself your false words
And broken promises continued to hold true.

See you were never really around,
To hear our crys or goofy little sounds.
But it was made up in my mind,
To not let history repeat or be rewound.

I hate to admit it but its true,
Its all because of you,
I'm the man I am today,
By being the exact opposite of you.

Its not a hard choice for me,
To raise Angel and little T,
I'm sure you have no clue,
How much they mean to me.

In closing I will say,
You are worthless in all but one way.
You made me realize when raising mines,
Being their dad is what's best at the end of the day.

I never stopped the saturation
Of the feelings of hate and aggravation.
But the love I get from Angel and Junior
Will always be what drives me.
Not my father's Worthless Motivation.

Tyrone D. Allen Sr.

Queen

A Queen is proud of herself. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, or does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs.

A Queen is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.

A Queen has a dash of inspiration, a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them. A Queen knows her past, understands her present and moves toward the future.

A Queen knows the Creative Energy. She knows that with this the world is her playground, but without she will just be played. A Queen does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love.

Queen, you are all that and more.

With all my love, Your King.

Discretion, Transgression, Progression

You wonder why you are not happy. You say that you will never be happy. I always wondered why you thought like that. Well over the years, I have seen a pattern that seems to be the reason why. I hope that if you read this that you take it for what its worth and not a slap in the face.


I think you give yourself too freely, too easily, too soon. I know you are an adult and adults can and will do what they want, but you have to realize that the way you carry yourself attracts a certain type of person. You seem to want attention, and you get it. Once you get it, you feel that the things being said to you are genuine, when in fact they are not. I am sure that you notice this but for whatever reason you fail to act in a manner that would deter further lies and deceit. Even when shown and sometimes told that you are not the one, and won’t be the one, you still crave the attention from whoever it is. Give them what they want when they want and continue to settle for less than deserved. Or maybe that is exactly what you do deserve. 2nd in line, 3rd in line or where ever you may fall, seems to be just fine with you. So maybe that is what’s destined for you. Maybe it’s meant for you to be a 2nd tier type of person. I have seen and heard from you the things you have been through with so many different people and all the stories have common themes. You meet, you appear to have so much in common, or they are going to help you in some sort of way, you talk, you go out, you have sex, then all of a sudden there is not that much in common anymore, what they were supposed to help you with never got done, they don’t answer the phone as much or at all anymore, and you are left feeling stupid or used.

See your decision to continue this type of behavior will continue to bring you the same type of person, just in a different body. You wonder why you are not happy; it’s all in your actions, decision making, and what you settle for. Simply put, if you have no discretion in your transgressions it leads to lack of progression. And that goes for life in general.

Do I Qualify

You ask, do I qualify.

Can I fulfill your needs and become the man you need me to be?

My sister, have you prepared for what you've asked for?

Can you handle the responsibility?

Can you accept that, by GOD, I am the chosen one,

The authority, the comforter, and the head?

Will you submit and willingly follow my path?

Or will you fight with me instead?

If I am your King, will you treat me as such?

Will I get the best of your beauty and poise?

Or will I be subjected, to an appearance neglected, and checked with some serious noise?

When I talk, will you listen? I mean whole heartedly and feel me?

Or will you rush me just to make your point too? Can I be the man at all times?

Even when it hurts? Or is it just when it's convenient for you?

Can you love me for me, and not who you wish I could be? Will you see the strong Black Man within?

Or will you always remind me of the all the past brothers behind me and make me pay for their sins?

If I don't send you flowers the day your co-worker received some,

Will you know that I love you still?

Or will my good name be uttered along with those other doggish brothers?

Will you question if my commitment is real?

Will you be patient and teach me to understand you,

And allow my knowledge of your needs to grow?

Will you confide in me out when I ask, "Baby what's wrong?"

Or will you respond with, "Well a REAL man would know!"

When we first met, what was it that caught your eye?

Was it my mind, my heart, my personality? Or was it my suit, or my job,

Or do you love what I drive, instead of what's driving me?

Yes I can, and I will, make love to you from midnight to the

dawning of the sun. But, if I tell you I'm tired, will you

trust I'm sincere or believe that there must be another one?

My sister, I love you and my heart can be yours. No woman could lead me astray.

But like you, I have needs, so I beg of you, please, in this love thang meet me half way.

In life's tough times I'll hold you, in the rough times, I'l mold you,

Your simplest wish will be my command. My life is yours if need be.

Yes you can fully bleed me, and when hell comes, in your place, I'll stand.

A good relationship is a powerful institution that must be built on a foundation of two.

So to answer your question, YES, sister, I do qualify.

Now more importantly.....Do you?